Driving home from Disneyland (or should I say passenger-ing home as William is driving) and thinking about how overdue I am to update here. This is coming at you by way of my thumbs and courtesy of my iPhone Blogger app.
I haven't written for a few reasons. First I was waiting for something that would blow minds & be worthy of the time taken to read it. Second, bronchitis struck my lungs and I. So my focus was on breathing not blogging. Third, and probably the biggest reason, this goal of working towards greater thankfulness in my heart, for this stubborn woman is not neat or eloquent. It's not pretty & I've been working up to being this honest.
First bit of honesty, before the full blown bronchitis I came down with laryngitis. I lost my voice almost completely and my first thought was, "God's taken my voice right now because my voice hasn't been sweet or thankful lately". Truly I hadn't been metering my words in either quantity or attitude. My tone of voice hadn't been very kind. How embarrassed am I to say that at 33 years old? During that time I couldn't have raised my voice to my kids even if I had tried to until I passed out. However when I do have my voice all those bad habits with it seems to happen before I even realize I've done it. If being without a voice is what it takes to keep my voice the way it should be, I'm no better than a drunk who won't stop driving while intoxicated until there's a breathalyzer installed in their car!
Second bit of honesty, I was worn out. I was tired. I don't know how to be worn out, tired and not let it show. Is this selfishness? The world says take time for yourself. The Bible says die to self and pour out everything you have. How do I reconcile this with the health limitations I've experienced over the last year? I've felt like there wasn't much to pour out. I used that as an excuse to be grumbly and unthankful.
Final bit of honesty, because I don't have a nice, tie it all up story to end with I'm gonna share somethings I am thankful for:
1) I'm thankful that I have a family. And I'm thankful that they keep loving me...even on the days that I wonder if I'll ever be pleasant to be around again.
2) I'm thankful that in every challenge I'm reminded that God hasn't given up on me. He's still shaping me into something better; the image of his Son.
3) I'm thankful that my husband is made of strong stuff & willing to talk with me about all the big questions and half formed epiphanies that fill my brain.
4) I'm thankful for the moment yesterday when Grant grabbed my hand and gave me a big smile for no reason.
5) I'm thankful that we're almost home. I appreciate that I have a home to say that about.
6) I'm thankful that Kyla had a good birthday today. I'm glad that she knows that she's loved.
P.S. I was to tired to proofread this last night so it's now being posted the following morning. If you'd read some of my rambling run-ons, you'd thank me.
God bless.
