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Driving home from Disneyland (or should I say passenger-ing home as William is driving) and thinking about how overdue I am to update here. This is coming at you by way of my thumbs and courtesy of my iPhone Blogger app.

I haven't written for a few reasons. First I was waiting for something that would blow minds & be worthy of the time taken to read it. Second, bronchitis struck my lungs and I. So my focus was on breathing not blogging. Third, and probably the biggest reason, this goal of working towards greater thankfulness in my heart, for this stubborn woman is not neat or eloquent. It's not pretty & I've been working up to being this honest.

First bit of honesty, before the full blown bronchitis I came down with laryngitis. I lost my voice almost completely and my first thought was, "God's taken my voice right now because my voice hasn't been sweet or thankful lately". Truly I hadn't been metering my words in either quantity or attitude. My tone of voice hadn't been very kind. How embarrassed am I to say that at 33 years old? During that time I couldn't have raised my voice to my kids even if I had tried to until I passed out. However when I do have my voice all those bad habits with it seems to happen before I even realize I've done it. If being without a voice is what it takes to keep my voice the way it should be, I'm no better than a drunk who won't stop driving while intoxicated until there's a breathalyzer installed in their car!

Second bit of honesty, I was worn out. I was tired. I don't know how to be worn out, tired and not let it show. Is this selfishness? The world says take time for yourself. The Bible says die to self and pour out everything you have. How do I reconcile this with the health limitations I've experienced over the last year? I've felt like there wasn't much to pour out. I used that as an excuse to be grumbly and unthankful.

Final bit of honesty, because I don't have a nice, tie it all up story to end with I'm gonna share somethings I am thankful for:
1) I'm thankful that I have a family. And I'm thankful that they keep loving me...even on the days that I wonder if I'll ever be pleasant to be around again.
2) I'm thankful that in every challenge I'm reminded that God hasn't given up on me. He's still shaping me into something better; the image of his Son.
3) I'm thankful that my husband is made of strong stuff & willing to talk with me about all the big questions and half formed epiphanies that fill my brain.
4) I'm thankful for the moment yesterday when Grant grabbed my hand and gave me a big smile for no reason.
5) I'm thankful that we're almost home. I appreciate that I have a home to say that about.
6) I'm thankful that Kyla had a good birthday today. I'm glad that she knows that she's loved.

P.S. I was to tired to proofread this last night so it's now being posted the following morning. If you'd read some of my rambling run-ons, you'd thank me.

God bless.

Family Time at Disneyland

 Beautiful girl

 Grant got to sit in the drivers seat of the old Disneyland Fire Engine

 I was her passenger. I only have minor whiplash.

 "Stow yer weapons"

 Grant was a bit smitten with, as Bill called her, "The Tron Babe".

 It truly is a small world when you find out some friends are also at Disneyland. We enjoyed Disney-ing with the McGeehans.

Grant was chosen out of the crowd to join the band on the washboard. He was excited. Then got nervous. Then cried. Then sucked it up and had fun. All in the course of 3 minutes. (He takes after me.)

God is Good. All the Time.

     I am so very thankful for Iced Soy Caramel Lattes. Since dairy became a no-go the coffee / soy combo has made mornings bearable, not just for me but for my family who must interact with me. I know the internet is overflowing with pro-coffee blog prose. I choose to believe it doesn't mean I'm unoriginal it just means that coffee's that good.

     I'm also thankful that my kids are at an age where we can talk it out more and more often. I'm a word person & I talk...a lot. So being able to sit down for those Dad & DJ moments ( yes, that is a Full House reference ) and then pray with Kyla and Grant is a more natural way of parenting for me. I'm glad that we've gotten there. Of course, they're also at an age where they can be grounded if talking doesn't work. Grounded = A Time Out On steroids.

     I'm thankful that we homeschool with supervision from our school district. There are some elements of the cirriculum that have me flummoxed this year in relation to Kyla's learning needs. I'm glad that I have a teacher to call and meet with who has far more experience than I, who encourages, who puts time in to learning about my kids and their learning styles, and isn't afraid to think outside of the box when it comes to teaching Kyla.  This is our first year working with this teacher. After learning last spring that our teacher for the past 3 years would be retiring, I spent the summer telling myself that God knew who would be a good fit for us while fighting my own nerves about the transition. And of course God did know. God is good and God would still be good even if everything hadn't worked out so smoothly. I've very thankful that it did though.

Six Bits of Thanksgiving

I'm too tired to be super poetic but this is what I'm thankful for today:

• That I am married to a hardworking man who does what he needs to to take care of his family. Even if that does mean I have to be separated from him for the week.
• That on days like today when my kids attitudes are unpleasant, I'm the one guiding their behavior towards improvement in the future. Instilling the values that are important instead of wondering what happened at school today.
• Though Kyla getting grounded was unfortunate, I got a mellow evening of one on one time with Grant. It reminded me that, even in the little things, God can make good from bad.
• That I have this weekend to look forward to. Disneyland fun with the family can often undo much of the stress of daily life.
• For Not watching TV tonight. Somehow it never got turned on, even after the kids went to bed. I'm thankful for that quiet time to think.
• And as always, I'm thankful for God's second chances. What will he give me to be thankful for tomorrow?

Are You Serious About That?

I think when we come before God and confess that an area of our lives or aspect of our character is not honoring and needs to change his first question is "Are You Serious About That?". I think he asks that question by temporarily (I hope) amplifying what he allows to happen in that area of our lives to reveal where our heart truly is on this subject.
My human thinking about becoming more positive and thankful was 1) Confess it 2) Ask for God's help 3) Take an action step that forces me out of my grump slump and into an awareness of my attitude, i.e. blog about it.
Throughout the day it has been revealed to me that God's plan was 1) GET YOUR HEART INTO IT!

None of what I'm going to write below is equal to plague and famine. I, like all believers, have many blessings in my life. The whole fact that I know this and still struggle with my attitude has already been shown. Here's how things transpired just 48 hours after my commitment and public proclamation that I will be more positive:

Woke up and before I even got my shower the puppy was vomiting.

He has never done this before.

I wonder if I should worry.

Kids are arguing and playing instead of showering and dressing.

It takes me an insanely long time to get ready because I have to keep going down the hall and adjusting attitudes.

Grant covers his ears and whines throughout school if I give an assignment that isn't FUN.

Kyla repeatedly subtracts her addition problems.

She cries and yells "NO" when I tell her they will have to be redone.

Dog throws up again.

Kids freak out about Dog throwing up.

Call vet to ask when to start worrying about dog puke.

I go into bathroom and find that Kyla has cut off a chunk of her hair, for the 3rd time in her life, and attempted to hide it in the wastebasket.

Semi-calmly talk to Kyla about this.

Tell Kyla she will be grounded for the rest of the day.

Go into my bedroom with non-family-friendly words in my head.

I cry.

Can't talk to hubby because he's out of town and in class right now.

Call my Mom in tears and ask her to pray for me.

Try to compose myself .

Get the kids ready for tutoring.

Drive them to tutoring only to find out that it is cancelled.

ETC.

It's about a half hour later and I have all but convinced myself that there is no rhyme or reason to all of this. When the words "Are you serious about this? Get your heart into it then. These circumstances change nothing." pop into my head.

I pray about what's next. This evening I'm going to try to write a bit about things I am thankful for today. I feel like I need Thanksgiving 101 and God has enrolled me in Advanced Thanksgiving Concepts in a Fallen World.

Positivity

I'll be frank...Blogs have always seemed, to me, to be like a big, open group discussion at a party. I'm more of a one-on-one, go out for coffee talk time kind of person. Although I enjoyed reading the blogs of friends and family I NEVER thought I would share stories with so little control of where they travel to; without the ability to see the faces, reactions and expressions of you reading them. And yet here I am having just created a blog titled "putting in place" because I've become aware of how glass half-empty I view things and express my views of lately. For the last year or so I've been journaling & while some of it is more prayer like pouring out my heart I've also tried to focus on writing things I'm thankful for. I wondered what would happen if I gave up some perceived control and forced myself to have confidence in only what I write to show me as a thankful person. So here's me trying to raise my glass half full and saying cheers to this experiment.